November 30, 2012 1 Comment.

In the last few weeks, nearly one hundred Indians, from Calcutta to New Delhi, have professed their undying love to my roommate Bennett.   Some have even voiced their love through video.

What does that mean?  That means my roommate Bennett is basically Justin Bieber.

They have more in common than just great hair.  They both have adoring fans from all over the world.

Does anyone else find this picture ridiculous?  Faux fur jacket linings, psshh, so 2011.

Bennett with his adoring fans.

“But Tanner,” I can hear you say, “Those pictures aren’t evidence that Bennett is like Justin Bieber!  You just did a crappy photoshopping job of putting random Indian faces on top of overly emotional, still-can’t-quite-handle-this-hormone-rush-called-puberty, tweenage girls!  Besides, you said almost 100, and that’s only 3!”

Let me calm you down step-by-step

  1. Not everyone recognizes that picture is photoshopped.  I showed it to this puppy the other day and he thought it was real.  So don’t ruin the surprise for everyone by calling it a “crappy photoshopping”.

    Non-judgmental and slightly naive puppy.

  2. No, those aren’t random Indian faces – each of those faces is actually someone who professed their love to Bennett (yeah, I know two are guys.  Apparently, they are a little more progressive in India)
  3. How dare you call them “tweenage”.  They are clearly at least 14.
  4. Yes, that is only three fans.  But I’ll show you the others.  Starting with this one, who professed her love on video:

 

watch it on youtube – http://youtu.be/KIiPSoSx2OU

Side note: that video, even though it is only 14 seconds long, clearly needs to be shared with the world, right?  If you agree, share this on Facebook by clicking that weird little scrolly thing on the left side of the screen.

So how did Bennett become Bollywood’s most wanted bachelor?  And where are the rest of these adoring fans?

It all started with a little blog called marriagetimeinprovo.blogspot.com.

Back in October, our friend Becky, one of the original Spice Gals (not to be confused with the the more musical and less clothed Spice Girls) decided to get all sorts of crazy with her roommates one night and create the site “Marriage Time In Provo”, where they profiled 13 of the most eligible bachelors and bachelorettes in Provo.  One of them was Bennett.

Now, remember, I live vicariously through Bennett.  I’m like an overbearing little league baseball dad who is trying to relive his glory days through his son.

This picture teaches you everything you need to know about the relationship between Bennett and I.

So, I did what any overbearing father would do – I channeled my unhealthy competitive drive into one thing – making Bennett’s profile the most popular profile ever.  And then it got a little out of hand.

Here’s how it went down:

Step #1 – Activate army of raving Indian fans.

First, I went to Mechanical Turk, a website where you can pay people a small amount of money to do a small, specific activity.  The majority of workers are from India (I like using people overseas to help me accomplish my secret tasks).  I posted the specific job requirements –

“Visit http://www.marriagetimeinprovo.blogspot.com/2012/10/bennett.html .   Write a one sentence, UNIQUE romantic comment about Bennett in the comment section.”

I offered $0.08 per comment, and like magic, the broken english comments professing their love started pouring in.  Some examples (Yes, these are all real):

But then, it started getting a little awkward as the romantic comments took a steamy turn…

yeah, I realize she isn’t Indian, Bennett’s fans can be white too.

I realized I should’ve been more descriptive in my assignment and made it clear that the comments should be family friendly…or at least not use the word “caress”.

But by that time, the comments had taken on a life of their own.  And who am I to stop the slightly inappropriate desires of women worldwide?

Seriously, there are tons of comments, go to http://www.marriagetimeinprovo.blogspot.com/2012/10/bennett.html , scroll to the bottom, and read through the comments for a good laugh.

So even though Bennett was clearly in the lead (the next closest competitor, Matt, only had one comment)….

Meet 1 comment Matt. Since he’s my friend, I’m glad he got second place instead of those other guys. If he wasn’t my friend, I would’ve had to launch a negative commenting campaign against him.

…I really wanted to cement Bennett’s status as the most wanted bachelor in Provo, so I got a little more serious.

Step #2 – Step it up a notch and get professions of love on video.

Seeing as there are hundreds of ladies in Provo (and now India) who gladly profess their love to Bennett, it can’t be that hard to find a few women willing to record those sweet nothings on video, right?

Answer: Duh.  Let me introduce you to a site that will blow your mind.  Fiverr.com, a site where people sell their services for $5 a pop.  And it just so happens, there are dozens of girls who were willing to speak of their love for Bennett for only $5.

So I put out the word – Profess your love for Bennett on video and send me the link.  Two girls immediately jumped on the opportunity.  You already saw the one up top, here’s the next one.

watch it on youtube – http://youtu.be/5EwO8E7i43U

So, two videos and nearly one hundred comments later, I can proudly proclaim that Bennett is by far the most popular man on Marriage Time In Provo.

Step #3 – Write a Blog Post About It and Make T-Shirts

So, to celebrate and further feed the fire surround Bennett’s victory, I am going to make custom Bennett Fan T-shirts.  Perhaps something like this

You can’t honestly look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want this shirt to exist in real life.

So I’m asking for your help.  Help me pick what quote I should put on the T-shirt by voting below (I made a little voting counter thingy-mer-bobber).  I will make a some custom t-shirts based off of which saying gets the most votes.  I’ve set up the voting below.

Bennett T-Shirt Survey

Help Me Pick Which Quote To Put On Bennett's T-Shirt!

Short Conclusion to Blog Post

If at any time you have been tempted while reading this to write a comment on “Marriage Time In Provo” professing your love for Bennett, I suggest doing so right away. (Seriously, it would be hilarious).

Two things we’ve all learned from this post? Bennett is clearly the best.  And if I have future daughters that get into beauty pageants, the other contestants won’t know what hit ’em.

PS – Did you find this post mildly entertaining?  You can do one of three things.

  1. Share it on Facebook (the competitive, overbearing father in me wants to brag about how Bennett is the best.  Help me live that dream.)
  2. Enter your email below so I can shoot you a reminder message when the next post comes out.
  3. Give me a high five next time you see me.

Fun fact #1: If you do all three, you’ll live a healthier and more fulfilled life.

Fun fact #2: I have no evidence if Fun fact #1 is true, but you should do it anyway.

Get Updated When My Next Post Comes Out!

Other Recent Blog Post You Might Like – 18 Reasons I Should Be BYU Student Body President(even though I’m a dropout)

One response to “How I Turned My Roommate Bennett Into An Indian Sex Symbol”

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