What does that mean?  That means my roommate Bennett is basically Justin Bieber.

They have more in common than just great hair.  They both have adoring fans from all over the world.

Does anyone else find this picture ridiculous?  Faux fur jacket linings, psshh, so 2011.

Bennett with his adoring fans.

“But Tanner,” I can hear you say, “Those pictures aren’t evidence that Bennett is like Justin Bieber!  You just did a crappy photoshopping job of putting random Indian faces on top of overly emotional, still-can’t-quite-handle-this-hormone-rush-called-puberty, tweenage girls!  Besides, you said almost 100, and that’s only 3!”

Let me calm you down step-by-step

1. Not everyone recognizes that picture is photoshopped.  I showed it to this puppy the other day and he thought it was real.  So don’t ruin the surprise for everyone by calling it a “crappy photoshopping”.
   

   Non-judgmental and slightly naive puppy.

2. No, those aren’t random Indian faces – each of those faces is actually someone who professed their love to Bennett (yeah, I know two are guys.  Apparently, they are a little more progressive in India)
3. How dare you call them “tweenage”.  They are clearly at least 14.
4. Yes, that is only three fans.  But I’ll show you the others.  Starting with this one, who professed her love on video:

watch it on youtube - http://youtu.be/KIiPSoSx2OU

Side note: that video, even though it is only 14 seconds long, clearly needs to be shared with the world, right?  If you agree, share this on Facebook by clicking that weird little scrolly thing on the left side of the screen.

So how did Bennett become Bollywood’s most wanted bachelor?  And where are the rest of these adoring fans?

It all started with a little blog called marriagetimeinprovo.blogspot.com.

Back in October, our friend Becky, one of the original Spice Gals (not to be confused with the the more musical and less clothed Spice Girls) decided to get all sorts of crazy with her roommates one night and create the site “Marriage Time In Provo”, where they profiled 13 of the most eligible bachelors and bachelorettes in Provo.  One of them was Bennett.

Now, remember, I live vicariously through Bennett.  I’m like an overbearing little league baseball dad who is trying to relive his glory days through his son.

This picture teaches you everything you need to know about the relationship between Bennett and I.

So, I did what any overbearing father would do – I channeled my unhealthy competitive drive into one thing – making Bennett’s profile the most popular profile ever.  And then it got a little out of hand.

Here’s how it went down:

Step #1 – Activate army of raving Indian fans.

First, I went to Mechanical Turk, a website where you can pay people a small amount of money to do a small, specific activity.  The majority of workers are from India (I like using people overseas to help me accomplish my secret tasks).  I posted the specific job requirements -

“Visit http://www.marriagetimeinprovo.blogspot.com/2012/10/bennett.html .   Write a one sentence, UNIQUE romantic comment about Bennett in the comment section.”

I offered $0.08 per comment, and like magic, the broken english comments professing their love started pouring in.  Some examples (Yes, these are all real):

But then, it started getting a little awkward as the romantic comments took a steamy turn…

yeah, I realize she isn’t Indian, Bennett’s fans can be white too.

I realized I should’ve been more descriptive in my assignment and made it clear that the comments should be family friendly…or at least not use the word “caress”.

But by that time, the comments had taken on a life of their own.  And who am I to stop the slightly inappropriate desires of women worldwide?

Seriously, there are tons of comments, go to http://www.marriagetimeinprovo.blogspot.com/2012/10/bennett.html , scroll to the bottom, and read through the comments for a good laugh.

So even though Bennett was clearly in the lead (the next closest competitor, Matt, only had one comment)….

Meet 1 comment Matt. Since he’s my friend, I’m glad he got second place instead of those other guys. If he wasn’t my friend, I would’ve had to launch a negative commenting campaign against him.

…I really wanted to cement Bennett’s status as the most wanted bachelor in Provo, so I got a little more serious.

Step #2 – Step it up a notch and get professions of love on video.

Seeing as there are hundreds of ladies in Provo (and now India) who gladly profess their love to Bennett, it can’t be that hard to find a few women willing to record those sweet nothings on video, right?

Answer: Duh.  Let me introduce you to a site that will blow your mind.  Fiverr.com, a site where people sell their services for $5 a pop.  And it just so happens, there are dozens of girls who were willing to speak of their love for Bennett for only $5.

So I put out the word – Profess your love for Bennett on video and send me the link.  Two girls immediately jumped on the opportunity.  You already saw the one up top, here’s the next one.

watch it on youtube - http://youtu.be/5EwO8E7i43U

So, two videos and nearly one hundred comments later, I can proudly proclaim that Bennett is by far the most popular man on Marriage Time In Provo.

Step #3 – Write a Blog Post About It and Make T-Shirts

So, to celebrate and further feed the fire surround Bennett’s victory, I am going to make custom Bennett Fan T-shirts.  Perhaps something like this

You can’t honestly look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want this shirt to exist in real life.

So I’m asking for your help.  Help me pick what quote I should put on the T-shirt by voting below (I made a little voting counter thingy-mer-bobber).  I will make a some custom t-shirts based off of which saying gets the most votes.  I’ve set up the voting below.

Short Conclusion to Blog Post

If at any time you have been tempted while reading this to write a comment on “Marriage Time In Provo” professing your love for Bennett, I suggest doing so right away. (Seriously, it would be hilarious).

Two things we’ve all learned from this post? Bennett is clearly the best.  And if I have future daughters that get into beauty pageants, the other contestants won’t know what hit ‘em.

PS – Did you find this post mildly entertaining?  You can do one of three things.

1. Share it on Facebook (the competitive, overbearing father in me wants to brag about how Bennett is the best.  Help me live that dream.)
2. Enter your email below so I can shoot you a reminder message when the next post comes out.
3. Give me a high five next time you see me.

Fun fact #1: If you do all three, you’ll live a healthier and more fulfilled life.

Fun fact #2: I have no evidence if Fun fact #1 is true, but you should do it anyway.

Get Updated When My Next Post Comes Out!

Other Recent Blog Post You Might Like – 18 Reasons I Should Be BYU Student Body President(even though I’m a dropout)

The new handbook that the video game development company Valve makes every new hire read.  Fascinating stuff.

- Company has no organizational chart…or assigned seating. Every desk has wheels so that you can pow-wow in different areas.

- Company has no assigned projects.  Every worker comes up with projects and then recruits others to work on it with him/her.  Best projects garner more recruits and so the best ideas float to the top and get shipped.

- Many truisms turn out to be wrong. Its always best to test.

- Do what needs to be done.  What a terrifying thing for management to tell their people.  (Giving people the ability to fail so that they can have the ability to do what is most important.)

Knowing what to do when no one is there to tell you what it is = fearlessness, confidence, and knowledge.

Hierarchy and Structure will eventually seek to serve itself rather than the thing it was created for (hiring people to fit its shape, hiring subordinates)

The three questions you ask when evaluating whether someone is on your team or not
- would I want this person to be my boss
- would I learn a significant amount from him or her?
- what if this person went to work for our competition?

Being a T shaped individual (wide expanse of knowledge in many areas, deep expertise in a few), requires you to be the best at something, and for you to be good at things that are not natural to you

Feeling pressured to complete something shows that you aren’t using your time correctly.

Man, it would be crazy to work at a company like Valve.  Someday, I’m going to poke my head into that office in their and just soak it in, it sounds like a really cool place.

- The difference between rest and laziness in action is very small, but the underlying motivation for each are a grand canyon style chasm apart.  If you don’t rest you won’t succeed, but if the rest turns to laziness you wont succeed either.

- Awesome Steve Jobs quote:

- When you grow up, you tend to get told that the world is the way it is, and your life is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family life. Have fun, save a little money. That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader, once you discover one simple fact, and that is everything around that you call life was made up by people who were no smarter than you. And you can change it. You can influence it. You can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.

- Who you want to be is right in front of you.

- I don’t know if this was in the book, but it was something that crossed my mind as I read – We prefer comfort and consistency over correctness and progress.  And we wildly overestimate how “consistent” progress is capable of being.  The sputter is part of the growth that every business, idea or movement has to go through.

The Monk and the Riddle : The Education of a Silicon Valley Entrepreneur

Points -

Cover via Amazon

1.  That guy has seen a TON.  Prolific successes AND failures, and I think that’s what gives the business book such a “zen” feel.  But the question throughout is whether the “Deferred Life Plan” is really worth it is insightful.  Pushing through something painful so that you can eventually live the life you want to live isn’t a wise method of living according to Randy (essentially saying that anyone in investment banking, management consulting, law or any other profession that requires you to “pay your dues” until you can “get rich” isn’t fulfilling.)  The book states that the day where that happens will never come, you eventually resign to doing something you don’t love, pushed by the hope and desire to reach the next rung of the ladder and focused by avoiding the fearful thought of reevaluating whether you want to be on the ladder at all).

The interesting thing is that this happens to start-up types as well.  Call it “profit chasers”.  Opportunists that see an open, profitable market but don’t feel strongly about it.  They are making the same choice as the excel monkey working 90 hours a week – personal profit traded for time and the submission of doing what you really want to do.

2.  VCs make decisions based on potential upside.  A “hedged bet” isn’t something that is attractive to them at all.  They make their money when 20 to 30% of their investments go off to return 10-100x investment.  If you aren’t going to dominate a big market in a forceful way, probably not going to generate the interest you need from a VC.

Unfortunately, as Paul Graham puts so well in his book “Hackers and Painters”, when you “dampen oscillations” to protect from downside, you end up shorting your upside as well.  I can only assume the opposite holds true that when you go for world domination, the chance to fail, vulnerably, exposed, publicly increases as well.

Summary of this point, VCs may be afraid of an investment that fails terribly, but an investment for something safer, surer, and in a small market doesn’t even fall on their radar.

2a.  Market size is huge for this, they’d rather have a half-baked idea for a large market than a half sized market for a spot on idea.

3.  Two types of startups – “Better-Faster-Cheapers” and “Brave New World”.  BFCs are all about pouring money into the rocket ship to try to gain as much market as possible.  BNWs need to be more carefully planned.

4.   Often times the method for determining future sales is different from the method of determining market size.  You need to be a market leader, and so if you discover your sales represent a much smaller chunk of your market size, you need to determine whether you are being overly optimistic about market size or whether you need to think harder about how you will sell more.

Overall, pretty easy read, and enjoyable.  For someone who has done so much, the guy is very unassuming.  He comes across as confident but never cocky.  Oh, and he has the worlds coolest job, Virtual CEO.  He is like an angel investor who invests sweat equity rather than money for a piece fo the company.  Cool.

WRONG.  Why?  Because Facebook says so.  And Facebook knows everything.  Here’s how.

A company called optim.al helps giant corporations mine data about Facebook users to figure out who are their best “target audience.”

So for example, if Hostess wanted to find out which people are most likely to “like” Twinkies, they would plug it in to Optim.al and it would tell them which people they should target based off the data that they scrape from all of the profiles.  So there is no surprise that there is a connection between Twinkies and Little Debbies.  What is more shocking is that there is also a connection between Twinkies and Barcardi, Kmart, and the movie Tron.  (Drunk Disney action film loving bargain hunters love Twinkies?  I can dig it.)  Anyways, companies spend a ton of money to get this data

So the kind people of optim.al kindly put out their own studies on the GOP candidates.  Here’s what they found.

First off, this.

The way these images work, the closer and more interconnected the candidates are on the chart, the more similar their users are.

This chart shows that Romney and Gingrich supporters are much more similar than Santorum supporters.  That’s not my opinion or the opinion of a political commentator, that’s just pure data.  Want to see another graph they did in October?

Who is more connected and closer to Gingrich?  Romney (in case you can’t find Santorum, he’s the tiny bubble halfway up on the left side).

So for all of the chatter about a two man race, it looks like the only way Santorum can stay alive is if it’s a four man race.  And if its a four man race, then he’s got an issue, because Romney needs 48% of the remaining delegates to win the nomination (as of right now, he has earned 52% of the already-voted delegates).  Santorum would need  65% of the remaining delegates, where to this point, he has only one 27% of the remaining delegates.

Chances?  Not likely.  It looks like Santorum’s only real option is to bleed slowly to death until Romney finally trudges to victory.

So that’s neat.

But not really. (Mostly because they don’t accept dropouts).

But if I did, I’d be the best one there ever was.

Because really, when was the last time a BYU Student Body President really did anything awesome?  All I would have to do would be throw a pizza party or two and I would be the most accomplished of them all.  (PS – if this hurts anyone’s feelings, I’m sorry.  Kind of.)

So, even though I’m not on any ticket, when student elections come around, vote for me.  Why?  Because these are the 18 things I would do to make BYU awesome.

• 1. A giant parking structure built next to the JKB that can hold 1000 extra cars because parking is redunkulous.
  

  Oh, you want a parking lot? How about a giant Biology building instead?  #notinmypresidency

• 2.  Premium Parking – Students can pay an extra $500 to get a 4 year, lifelong pass to park in ‘A-lot’ Faculty Parking while we’re waiting for the parking structure.
  

  We could call it the Belmont Tax (don’t laugh Village and Arlington, you’re next)

• 3.  Faculty Parking, which usually opens up at 7PM to students, should open up at 3PM (how many professors are really showing up at school at 3:30PM anyways?)
• 4. A door on the south side of the library because there is nothing more annoying than having to walk an extra 3 minutes through the library all the way to the north side to get out.
• 5.  Mandatory video recordings of ALL classes available online for students so you don’t have to copy someone’s notes if you miss class.
  

  You Know You Loved Watching Norm on Your Laptop Instead Of Going to Class.

• 6.  Also, either we have no classes of over 300 students (all online), or there is a rule that each student is allowed only one question or comment the entire year in any class larger than 300 students.  This should eliminate ‘that one kid’ that is in every huge class like Econ 110 or American Heritage that just says stuff that makes Snooki look like a genius.  If ‘that one kid’ speaks up more than his allotted one time in class, he is banished from class attendance and can only view classes online.  No exceptions.
  

  “Excuse me sir, that’s the second Snooki-like statement you’ve made this year. Get out.”

• 7. Three rock concerts a year in the Marriott Center to fund all of the iFlip cameras for every single class recording.  One of these concerts must include an 80′s band.  No exceptions.
  

  I feel like a Rick Astley concert would be a hit with the unnaturally high proportion of red-headed BYU-ligans

• 8. Renegotiated BYU campus housing – so that to be BYU approved, you have to give students the option to sign apartment contracts that are only one or two semesters long.  None of this ‘year long’ crap.
• 9.  The JFSB installs a system to show your score for multiple choice tests you take in their computer lab like the regular testing center has instead of having to wait 2 weeks for your Spanish teacher to grade it and then tell you.
• 10. Any student assigned to a teacher with a ‘poor’ Ratemyprofessor rating is allowed to switch classes away from that professor and be allowed to take the class from a higher rated professor.
  

  Nobody should have to put up with a 2.4

• 11.  Every Semester, BYU will publish a ‘best of the best list,’ listing the highly rated professors according to students, AS WELL AS a ‘barrel scraper’ list, where lowest rated professors are listed, and then professors are able to write in and either defend themselves or explain what they plan to do in the future.
• 12. All classes must send out either a tweet or an email every Monday and Thursday alerting students of pending assignments.
  

  But really, I hope they choose twitter, just because every time old people use hashtags it cracks me up

• 13. The Bookstore must display the difference in price between what they charge for a textbook and what the textbook was last sold for on Amazon, and include several Ipad ‘kiosks’ in the bookstore where students can log into their Amazon accounts, compare prices for themselves and get the books shipped to their apartments.  edit:  BYU has decided to take my advice and they actually do this now.  I’m not even elected yet and my policies are already taking place.  You’re welcome.  
• 14.  In order to hand out flyers in the Wilk, a $5 per hour rate will be charged per group.  (This should eliminate 90% of annoying flyer people in the Wilk).
  

  Every time I see someone handing things out in the Wilk, I want to grab all their flyers and do this.

• 15.  Between the hours of 11 and 1, half of teriyaki sticks is to be converted to Subway in order to reduce the incredibly long 40 minute wait that is there every weekday to get a Spicy Italian Sub on white.
• 16.  Anyone earning LESS than $12 an hour after graduation can defer payment of the last semester’s tuition to BYU until they have been employed for at least 3 months at that earning level.
  

  Unless you’re a drama major. You should have known better.

• 17.  A statue of Jimmer pulling up and shooting a three pointer erected DIRECTLY in front of AND facing the Brigham Young statue so it looks like the second prophet is moments away from getting Jimmered.   Also, the flagpole should have a engraved gold plate at its base which reads – “Shawn Bradley Statue”
  

  If we could change the Brigham Young Statue so that it looked like he was playing defense, it would be even better.

• 18. Free Chocolate Milk Devotionals.  Devotional attendance has been slowly slipping for the last 15 years and they don’t know what to do about it.  Answer?  Free Chocolate Milk for all attendees.  The milk can be paid for by a sponsor who is allowed to play a 3 to 4 minute advertisement on repeat for 20 minutes as people filter in AND out of the Marriott Center before and after the devotional.  Only catch?  The student has to tell the chocolate milk giver what was advertised before they get their chocolate milk. Everybody wins.

See?  I’m awesome.  Vote for me.

PS – I’m taking applications for VP. To be accepted, you must either (1) have incredible ideas to contribute or (2) just catch me in a good mood.

PPS – Did you like this post?  Well I’m about to publish the best post ever about how I turned my roommate into an Indian Sex Symbol with $15 dollars.

India loves this man… a little too much.

 Its decently hilarious (the phrase “I would pay to watch him undress” is uttered by an Indian groupie, and there is a video fan message that is painfully awkward/funny)  Gimme your email and I’ll shoot you a message when I post it (No, I’m not going to spam you, its just to send you a reminder message to check out the post when I publish it, calm down).